“Here you go, kids. Tootsie Pops! Stay in the stroller, we’re going for a walk, okay?”
Maybe now they’ll be quiet for five minutes. How can they go all day without a nap? What the hell…I’m so tired. Just need five minutes. God…they talk so much.
“I see you have a lollipop, Arjun! Just eat it!”
I really want to listen to the new Daft Punk album. If I walk along the water I can put my earphones in…
“Arjun! Don’t bite on it! Suck it. It’s dangerous to bite it right away.”
Crap, he’s gonna bite it. And chew straight through to the Tootsie again. I just know it. Then whine for another one. I should’ve bought extras. Too much sugar lately, but-
“What, Indira? You won’t bite it? Because you’re a big girl? I know that, honey bunny, you are a big girl.”
Why am I always affirming her? Mom never affirmed me that much. It’s not like she’ll be damaged if I don’t tell her how big a girl she is because she won’t bite a lollipop. Or would she? Is it a three year old thing? I should google that. Can I just ignore her? No…but maybe? Would her confidence be impacted? What would- Wait. Why the crap am I thinking about this?
“Kids! Quiet time starts now. It’s Mommy Time. Don’t talk. I mean, you can talk to each other but not to me. Mommy needs a break. From talking.”
Oh, thank God. They’re quiet. Where are my ear phones? Ugh! Why do I have so many receipts in my purse?
“What, Indira? Yes, but we’re just stopped for a minute. Mommy has to get her ear phones. Mommy time! I want Mommy time, guys. Be quiet. Please. Please?”
Ah. There they are at the bottom. All coiled up. Why can’t Apple make earphones that don’t tangle? They made the iPad but they can’t make non-tangle earphones? Why are we even using a cord anymore? They should have cheap bluetooth earphones for music. Apple is so overrated.
“What, Indira? I don’t know. The moon? What? Oh, yes, you’re right. We can see the moon during the daytime. No! I don’t know why! Huh? Yes, maybe it’s because that’s the way God made the world, honey.”
Aww, that was cute. I should really take her to Church more. God, I’m such a bad Catholic.
“What? Indira! I don’t know why some trees are tall and some are short. I just don’t know. Maybe because that’s the way God made the trees. It’s still quiet time, honey. I-”
GODAMMIT! Who is that coming over to us? She’s so old.
“Oh! Hi! Sure, no problem, we can stop. You’d like to meet the kids? Indira, Arjun, say hello to the nice lady!”
My life sucks right now.
“She’s three and a half, he’s two and a half. Oh, his hat?”
Oh, here we go again with the hat. Yes, a two year old wearing a fedora is cute. If I had a nickel every time someone-
“Yes, he loves his hat! Wears it to bed, even! I know! Can you believe that?”
Ughhh. Kill me now. Indira’s down to the nub on that lollipop. I’m screwed. No Daft Punk.
“What’s that? Oh, thank you, yes. They are blessings.”
Blessings, my ass. Lady, you don’t know shit. Let these kids wake you up at two a.m. every night for five weeks straight, then let’s see what you say.
“Oh, ok, take care! Kids…say goodbye!”
Maybe I can still make it to the waterfront-
“What Indira? You’re done? Ok, give me the lollipop stick-”
Oh, gross! It’s sticky. Did I bring wipes?
“Yes, I know your hands are sticky, Indira. Now mine are too. Hold on. I think I have wipes.”
They’ve gotta be in the bottom of this stroller somewhere. Crap! They’re not. How could I have left them. Oh, that’s right. Arjun had a poopy diaper right before we left. God that was a huge poop. I left the wipes by the front door. Dammit!
“Indira, I know your hands are sticky! One moment! Please! What, Arjun? No! You cannot have another lollipop! You just had one!”
Maybe I should have bought more Tootsie Pops… No! Too much sugar. Too much sugar lately, Dev is right.
“What, Indira? Yes, I know you’re not crying. Yes, you’re a big girl.”
Again! I did it again! Why am I always affirming her? I’ve got to work on that.
“Arjun! Stop screaming! Indira, please wait. I don’t have the wipes right now.”
“Kids, change of plans. Let’s go back home and have an early dinner. How about pancakes?”